Breaking Through

Almost exactly a year ago today, I went on a mandatory "self help" work retreat called a "Breakthrough Intensive". I was skeptical and resistant - I did not want to spend an entire weekend examining what in my life was holding me back from achieving my potential. (Frankly, I didn't even know anything was holding me back; I had lived with a feeling of dread and anxiety for so long that I thought it was normal.) But I went to the retreat because I had to, but decided pretty early on, that as long as I was there, I might as well make the most of it.

It was December, and I was hemorrhaging money - bills, a car accident and Christmas were making me feel overwhelmed, hopeless and poor.​ I love my job working for a non-profit arts organization, Appel Farm Arts Camp, that runs a truly transformative summer camp for creative kids (a group of kids whom I see myself in every single day of the summer.) But I don't make a ton of money. I pretty much live paycheck to paycheck. And I knew it was time to start thinking (worrying) about my future retirement.

Along with a group of maybe 30 other "stuck" adults looking for their "Breakthrough Moment", I sat in a room for 3 long days. Why did I believe that because I studied art in college and because I worked for a non-profit, that I would always be poor? What were the beliefs that I was telling myself, that I had been telling myself my whole life, that I believed to be inherently true, but probably weren't? (The leaders of this workshop called these beliefs "files" so for the rest of this post, I will call them files.)

These were the files that I identified that weekend: File 1: Because I work for a non-profit and am a fine artist, there is a ceiling to the amount of money I can earn. I can either choose a job and a vocation that I love or a job that pays well. It is a choice of one or the other and not both. File 2: Because I was raised by parents who never had enough money to make ends meet; this would also be my lot in life. Who was I to think I deserved better from whence I came? and File 3: If I could only find a man with money, my problems would be solved. (Continued fall-out from watching the movie "Pretty Woman" at an impressionable age.)

That weekend, I did a lot of thinking, writing, and talking that resulted in a change of thinking. I COULD be (because I was competent, smart and as deserving as the next person) financially successful on my own - without a man to prop me up while still doing what I love. My files were holding me back. I had to pull them out of the filing cabinet that was my brain, open them up, read them, and then examine them in order to file them away and move forward.

It has been a year since I attended the "Breakthrough Intensive" and my life is changing. I am in a much better position financially. I am fulfilled at the non-profit where I work, I am showing and selling my artwork and I have even started my own Networking Business, selling PLEXUS, which is not only increasing my income, but is making me FEEL BETTER and is so part-time, that I can still pursue my passion for painting. I even have a growing savings account.

2017 brought me self-reliance, more financial independence, the ability to work at things that I am PASSIONATE about, all while focusing on my health and well-being. I am excited to see what 2018 brings!